Chapter 1:
What is the time of day??? Where is Julia??? What will the guards do to me??? What is so terrible about room 101??? Why do I have all these questions? No one will answer me. No one here will comfort me. In this room -this windowless, light filled room, no one will tell me what is going on. All I see are prisoners. They are suffering, they are brain washed, and they are doomed. All of them are doomed. I am doomed too. No one is here to comfort me. I am scared to see what is going to happen to me. What if I am sent to room 101? I don't even know what that will mean. I don't know what will happen to me, but I know it's not good. Nothing is good in this place. Nothing is good in this place of no darkness.
Chapter 2:
I still do not know what time of day it is, for I have not been outside since I was arrested. The guards beat me, they starved me, they put me in a machine that seems to squeeze all my bones, muscles, and limbs until they break apart. I am in pain, but what hurts the most, is Julia. O'brien who is apart of the party, and has been apart of the party his whole life, told me that Julia has betrayed me. She is gone, and I feel as if there is no reason to live anymore. I don't care if I die. The party should just kill me as soon as my mind is pure.
Chapter 3:
I love Big Brother. 2+2=5. The party has power, and it knows what it is doing. O'Brien has taught me so much. In fact, it is as if he has made me a whole new person. I am healthy again, and I am happy once more. However, I still am in love with Julia. I want to know where she is, and I want her to be by my side. I miss her so much, for I am not complete without her in my life.
Chapter 4:
I had a dream about Julia, and some how she has ignited a flame in me. I have a brilliant idea. The party shall shoot me, and I shall die. The party shall shoot me, and I shall die loving Julia, and hating Big Brother. O'Brien came to my room after the brilliant idea accumulated in my head. He accused me of though crime, and questioned my feelings toward Big Brother. He asked me if I hated him, and I said yes. O'Brien is taking me to room 101.
Chapter 5:
O'Brien was right. Room 101 did hold the worst thing in the world. It hold fear, and for me, that is rats. He was going to place the creatures on my face. They would have eaten away at my eyes, my cheeks, and my tongue. I was scared, and I finally figured out what I needed to do. I told O'Brien to punish Julia. I told him to do anything to her, and set me free. He did, and I don't regret a thing. I just want to see Julia. Just one more time. I want to see Julia, for I still love her.
Chapter 6:
I love the party and I love Big Brother. I do not love Julia anymore. I have no feelings for her, and even though I could see her and meet up with her again, I don't want to. I don't feel a need to have her in my life anymore. Big Brother is the only person I need in my life. He was the one who ended war in a victory. He is the one who creates peace, harmony, and joy throughout Oceania. And he will always be the one that I will look to for guidance. I love the party, and I love Big Brother.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Winston Diary Part II
Chapter 1:
I was walking through the lavatory at work. It was a beautiful morning, and my ankle felt pretty good, but it was then that I saw her. The dark haired girl. He name is Julia, and I love her. She loves me too. According to a note that she gave me. She slipped it in my hand after I helped her up after she tripped and fell. I thought she was apart of the Thought Police and she was punishing me. However, she is really the exact opposite of what she seems like. I went to this beautiful and secretive meadow to meet her, and we talked a ton. We shared our true feelings with eachother. And it was then that I kissed her. I felt an extreme attraction toward her. I felt no desire or want to have her, but a strange protectiveness over her. I wanted her to want me back. I wanted her to love me. I loved her, and I have never truly loved someone so deeply before. It is a strange new sensation that I am feeling, and I enjoy it.
Chapter 2:
I slept with her. I slept with Julia. We fell asleep together for about an hour and a half, and I woke up still loving her. I feared tat I would feel no attraction toward her once I slept with her but I didn't. I woke up with the same feelings. We are planning to meet again sometime soon. Oh, how I love Julia, and she loves me.
Chapter 3:
We can't meet in the same place more than twice. And we have to very our meeting areas. We have to find different ways to reach the area, and we have to leave at different times. I hate being so careful. I wish we could just love each other and be with each other, and not have to break all these rules. I want to care for Julia without having to walk on egg shells around this situation. We could get in huge trouble. But I am not scared. I am more irritated that this is so necessary. And yes -it is necessary. However, my love for Julia will keep me going. I will never stop loving her, wanting her, and protecting her. I will break the rules until I am caght and killed, for this is love, and no one, not even Big Brother can change my feelings for Julia.
Chapter 4:
Julia and I have finally found a slightly permamnent meeting spot! I am waiting for her arrival in this new place right now. It isn't much; just a room above Mr. Charrington's shop. It has a bed, a sink, a stove, and a counter. It probably has millions of bugs and insects in here, and I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few rats too. Oh, how I hope that there are no rats. I hate rats! They are my worst fear!
Chapter 5:
I knew this would happen -I just knew it. Syme is gone. Just like that; he has vansihed. I even checked the chess club list, and was not surprisedto see his name erased from the paper. There were no earser marks on the paper though. It was a whole new sheet. Gosh, how I knew this would happen. He was just too smart. He thought about things too much. He knew too well of the governments intentions and plans. This is not fair though. I disliked Syme, but this is not fair. He was an innocent man, and they vaporized him for his wisdom. It is almost as if the government is afraid of its society. It is as if they are killing people that pose any sort of threat to the government's power and authority.
Chapter 6:
I got a note! I got a note from O'Brien! He is on our side! He is on our side! I must tell Julia at once. He gave me his address. I am going there soon, and Julia must come along. She wouldn't miss it for the world.
Chapter 7:
I had a dream about my mother, and how she died. The memories all came flooding back to me. They flooded my mind and brought tears to my eyes. I was a horrible and out of control child. I was selfish, inconsiderate, and I was a complete bully. My sister was dying and I took her share of food. My mother was stressed and starving, and I took her share of food too. I was a greedy child. One day, I went out of the apartment for a few hours, I returned and they were gone. My mother and sister had vanished. Just like that. They were erased from the world.
Chapter 8:
We visited O'Brien. It was nothing what I was expecting though. He was very business man like. He was not there to discuss his hatred for the party or rant on about Big Brother being a fool. He was there to share with us what we were supposed to do, ask us a few questions, and send us away. It was wierd though. He asked me very intimidating questions, and he even asked me if I was willing to never see Julia ever again. We both said no of course! But what disturbed and amazed me more was that he was able to turn his telescreen off! Yes, he could turn it off, and have no one listen or see what he was doing. I want a telescreen like that. I want a life like his.
Chapter 9:
I got the book! I got it! A man handed it to me and said "I think you dropped your brief case." It all happened just like O'Brien said that it would. Julia and I began to read the book, and it is so interesting. The language is different, and therefore hard to understand, but I still find the piece of writing phenominal. It speaks the truth. Goldstien tells the truth! The government wants society to be ignorant. In fact, the government encourages society to not be concerned with "unimportant" matters. I have truly learned what is really going on inside the party, and I am determined to be the best Goldstein follower there has ever been. I am scared, but I am determined.
Chapter 10:
They found us. They discovered Julia and I in Mr. Charrington's room. They hurt Julia and took her away. There had been a telescreen behind a picture in the wall, and they could hear every word we were saying. Who is "they?" I have no idea. They were all dressed in black. They surrounded the house, and did something to the large singing woman. They are going to do something to me too. Something worse. I hope with all my heart that Julia is okay. I love her, and I trust her. I don't trust Mr. Charrington! He lied. He works for the party. He is part of the thought police!!!
I was walking through the lavatory at work. It was a beautiful morning, and my ankle felt pretty good, but it was then that I saw her. The dark haired girl. He name is Julia, and I love her. She loves me too. According to a note that she gave me. She slipped it in my hand after I helped her up after she tripped and fell. I thought she was apart of the Thought Police and she was punishing me. However, she is really the exact opposite of what she seems like. I went to this beautiful and secretive meadow to meet her, and we talked a ton. We shared our true feelings with eachother. And it was then that I kissed her. I felt an extreme attraction toward her. I felt no desire or want to have her, but a strange protectiveness over her. I wanted her to want me back. I wanted her to love me. I loved her, and I have never truly loved someone so deeply before. It is a strange new sensation that I am feeling, and I enjoy it.
Chapter 2:
I slept with her. I slept with Julia. We fell asleep together for about an hour and a half, and I woke up still loving her. I feared tat I would feel no attraction toward her once I slept with her but I didn't. I woke up with the same feelings. We are planning to meet again sometime soon. Oh, how I love Julia, and she loves me.
Chapter 3:
We can't meet in the same place more than twice. And we have to very our meeting areas. We have to find different ways to reach the area, and we have to leave at different times. I hate being so careful. I wish we could just love each other and be with each other, and not have to break all these rules. I want to care for Julia without having to walk on egg shells around this situation. We could get in huge trouble. But I am not scared. I am more irritated that this is so necessary. And yes -it is necessary. However, my love for Julia will keep me going. I will never stop loving her, wanting her, and protecting her. I will break the rules until I am caght and killed, for this is love, and no one, not even Big Brother can change my feelings for Julia.
Chapter 4:
Julia and I have finally found a slightly permamnent meeting spot! I am waiting for her arrival in this new place right now. It isn't much; just a room above Mr. Charrington's shop. It has a bed, a sink, a stove, and a counter. It probably has millions of bugs and insects in here, and I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few rats too. Oh, how I hope that there are no rats. I hate rats! They are my worst fear!
Chapter 5:
I knew this would happen -I just knew it. Syme is gone. Just like that; he has vansihed. I even checked the chess club list, and was not surprisedto see his name erased from the paper. There were no earser marks on the paper though. It was a whole new sheet. Gosh, how I knew this would happen. He was just too smart. He thought about things too much. He knew too well of the governments intentions and plans. This is not fair though. I disliked Syme, but this is not fair. He was an innocent man, and they vaporized him for his wisdom. It is almost as if the government is afraid of its society. It is as if they are killing people that pose any sort of threat to the government's power and authority.
Chapter 6:
I got a note! I got a note from O'Brien! He is on our side! He is on our side! I must tell Julia at once. He gave me his address. I am going there soon, and Julia must come along. She wouldn't miss it for the world.
Chapter 7:
I had a dream about my mother, and how she died. The memories all came flooding back to me. They flooded my mind and brought tears to my eyes. I was a horrible and out of control child. I was selfish, inconsiderate, and I was a complete bully. My sister was dying and I took her share of food. My mother was stressed and starving, and I took her share of food too. I was a greedy child. One day, I went out of the apartment for a few hours, I returned and they were gone. My mother and sister had vanished. Just like that. They were erased from the world.
Chapter 8:
We visited O'Brien. It was nothing what I was expecting though. He was very business man like. He was not there to discuss his hatred for the party or rant on about Big Brother being a fool. He was there to share with us what we were supposed to do, ask us a few questions, and send us away. It was wierd though. He asked me very intimidating questions, and he even asked me if I was willing to never see Julia ever again. We both said no of course! But what disturbed and amazed me more was that he was able to turn his telescreen off! Yes, he could turn it off, and have no one listen or see what he was doing. I want a telescreen like that. I want a life like his.
Chapter 9:
I got the book! I got it! A man handed it to me and said "I think you dropped your brief case." It all happened just like O'Brien said that it would. Julia and I began to read the book, and it is so interesting. The language is different, and therefore hard to understand, but I still find the piece of writing phenominal. It speaks the truth. Goldstien tells the truth! The government wants society to be ignorant. In fact, the government encourages society to not be concerned with "unimportant" matters. I have truly learned what is really going on inside the party, and I am determined to be the best Goldstein follower there has ever been. I am scared, but I am determined.
Chapter 10:
They found us. They discovered Julia and I in Mr. Charrington's room. They hurt Julia and took her away. There had been a telescreen behind a picture in the wall, and they could hear every word we were saying. Who is "they?" I have no idea. They were all dressed in black. They surrounded the house, and did something to the large singing woman. They are going to do something to me too. Something worse. I hope with all my heart that Julia is okay. I love her, and I trust her. I don't trust Mr. Charrington! He lied. He works for the party. He is part of the thought police!!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Winston Diary Part I
Chapter 1:
It is bright and cold outside today. The wind whips at my face and bites my nose. My cheeks are red and worn. For once, I was relieved to step into Victory Mansions. It was warm inside, and although the elevators are not in service (they never are), the building has its usual boiled cabbage and rag smell, and my ankle hurt as I walked up the stairs, I don't mind. I was just glad to be warm, and safe. I am not exactly safe, though. My telescreen is watching me right now. It stares me down, observes my every move. I have my back turned to it, so it cannot see me write. The telescreen is somewhat easy to hide from; it's the Thought Police that I have to worry about. They can read my mind, hear my every thought, and they will track me down, for Big Brother does not appreciate people in society who are against his ways. His ways are confusing, though! I mean, WAR IS PEACE? FREEDOM IS SLAVERY? IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH? How can any of that make sense? It doesn't. It just doesn't. I must go, for I need some gin and the begining of Hate is near.
Chapter 2:
It is morning and I needed a good night's sleep after yesterday. During the Hate, she sat right behind me! The girl -the dark haired girl! She sat right behind me! Yes, the beautiful and attractive one. The one in the Anti-Sex League. Her! She sat right behind me. She is following me, she is onto me, and she is determined to turn me in. I don't know who she is. I don't even know her name, but it doesn't matter. I hate her, and I know she hates me too. On top of the Hate incident, I was asked by Mrs. Parson's, who nearly casued me a heart attack at the door, to fix her sink. It was clogged with hair. I pulled the disgusting wad out of the dirty drain. The house stunk, it was a mess, but worst of all -her kids! They were out of control! Because she wouldn't let them go to the hanging, the little divils threw a fit! They started dancing and jumping around me, screaming in my face "Traitor! Traitor! You're a Eurasian spy! You're a thought criminal! I am going to shoot you!" And then, he shot me! With his little toy gun. He shot me -right in the back of the neck! It hurt, but I just brushed it off, and left Mrs. Parsons with her two kids, who some day would find a reason to turn her in. Some day, I am sure of it.
Chapter 3:
I dreamt of my mother last night, and woke up this morning feeling odd. I felt lonely, as if there was something missing in my life. I know gin will not fix this feeling, for it is a feeling of isolation, confusion, and total frustration. Frustration toward the fact that I can't remember my past. I can't remember my mother or my sister. I can't remember when they dissapeared, or how they dissapeared. I can't remember anything. I know this is the government's fault. It is big brother's fault. Who else could it be? I need to find a way to learn more of my past. The truth of my past -not some cover up lies that are used to make me forget about what really happened. The truth. But how? How do I find the truth when no one knows what the truth is?
Chapter 4:
Today was a bad day. First, I was yelled at for not doing my morning workout to the best of my abilities. I touched my toes without bending my knees for the first time in several years. Now I am sore. I am hurting all over. Even in my heart. I miss my mother and I miss my sister. And I wish I knew where they are.
Work was okay. Comrade Tillotson is up to somemthing. I know it. He crouches over his work secretly, and he gives me hostile glances that only cause me suspicion. Whatever it is that he is hiding, he is going to be punished for it.
Chapter 5:
Syme is going to be punished one day too. He knows too much, he is too smart, and too wise. They will punish him, maybe even kill him. He will just dissapear one day, and never be heard from again. That's what happens -to everyone. In fact, it could quite easily happen to me. I am not supposed to be writing in this diary. I could be in huge trouble. I could dissapear too. Anyways, back to Syme. I would really mind if he dissapeared. I don't like Syme. I find him annoying, boastful, and concieted. I don't like him. And I don't think Big Brother likes him either.
Chapter 6:
I remember that very night. I don't know why I did it. I loved my wife. I loved Katherine. I didn't love that prostitute. I didn't know her. She was old and ugly. I didn't want her. But I still did it. I still slept with her, and the memory has showered me with guilt and pain ever since. Katherine and I loved eachother. I should have tried harder to keep us together. I should have tried harder to have children. I should have cared for her more. But I didn't. I lost her, and now she is only in my past -my soon to be forgotten past.
Chpater 7:
If there is hope it lies in the proles. I need to do something. Today. I need to figure out about my past. I don't remember it, so I need someone else's help. I need the prole's help. They can help me figure out if this time is truly better than years ago.
Chapter 8:
I am close to finishing probably the most eventful day of my life. I went to visit the proles today. I needed to find out about the past. Although, I didn't find exactly what I was looking for, I did discover something. But I will start from the begining. I entered the area, and almost immediately people began screaming. They were not screaming at me, but at the sky. They were yelling warnings out, and it wasn't until one man yelled my way to get down that I noticed a rocket bomb coming toward the ground. It stopped as quickly as it had started. The rocket bomb hit the ground, and the screaming stopped. It was so odd, because people walked on as if nothing had happened. The bomb was falling, it fell, and it was over. That was it. It was as if it was a normal thing. I headed toward a pub near the top of an alley. Inside, there was a man. I needed to talk to him. I need to talk to him about the past. I picked a bad place to talk to him, though. he was drunk, and was absolutely no help what so ever. He just babbled on and on and on. I did discover something, though, from the store keeper. The store keeper who sold me this very diary a while back. He told me about the past. He sang a song. It was confusing, but some what helpful. He sold me a glass coral statue. It is beautiful. I don't know what I will use it for yet, but I will use it for somehthing. It was when I was coming out of the store that it happened. The biggest and most important, and probably scariest event of the day occured. I saw her. The dark-haired girl. The dark-haired girl that I ddon't know. She was following me, I am sure of it. She is trying to discover more about me. I have no doubt that she will turn me in. I almost killed her -with my glass coral. I almost did, but I didn't. Too bad I didn't. I should have because now she will turn me in, I will be punished, and I will be killed.
It is bright and cold outside today. The wind whips at my face and bites my nose. My cheeks are red and worn. For once, I was relieved to step into Victory Mansions. It was warm inside, and although the elevators are not in service (they never are), the building has its usual boiled cabbage and rag smell, and my ankle hurt as I walked up the stairs, I don't mind. I was just glad to be warm, and safe. I am not exactly safe, though. My telescreen is watching me right now. It stares me down, observes my every move. I have my back turned to it, so it cannot see me write. The telescreen is somewhat easy to hide from; it's the Thought Police that I have to worry about. They can read my mind, hear my every thought, and they will track me down, for Big Brother does not appreciate people in society who are against his ways. His ways are confusing, though! I mean, WAR IS PEACE? FREEDOM IS SLAVERY? IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH? How can any of that make sense? It doesn't. It just doesn't. I must go, for I need some gin and the begining of Hate is near.
Chapter 2:
It is morning and I needed a good night's sleep after yesterday. During the Hate, she sat right behind me! The girl -the dark haired girl! She sat right behind me! Yes, the beautiful and attractive one. The one in the Anti-Sex League. Her! She sat right behind me. She is following me, she is onto me, and she is determined to turn me in. I don't know who she is. I don't even know her name, but it doesn't matter. I hate her, and I know she hates me too. On top of the Hate incident, I was asked by Mrs. Parson's, who nearly casued me a heart attack at the door, to fix her sink. It was clogged with hair. I pulled the disgusting wad out of the dirty drain. The house stunk, it was a mess, but worst of all -her kids! They were out of control! Because she wouldn't let them go to the hanging, the little divils threw a fit! They started dancing and jumping around me, screaming in my face "Traitor! Traitor! You're a Eurasian spy! You're a thought criminal! I am going to shoot you!" And then, he shot me! With his little toy gun. He shot me -right in the back of the neck! It hurt, but I just brushed it off, and left Mrs. Parsons with her two kids, who some day would find a reason to turn her in. Some day, I am sure of it.
Chapter 3:
I dreamt of my mother last night, and woke up this morning feeling odd. I felt lonely, as if there was something missing in my life. I know gin will not fix this feeling, for it is a feeling of isolation, confusion, and total frustration. Frustration toward the fact that I can't remember my past. I can't remember my mother or my sister. I can't remember when they dissapeared, or how they dissapeared. I can't remember anything. I know this is the government's fault. It is big brother's fault. Who else could it be? I need to find a way to learn more of my past. The truth of my past -not some cover up lies that are used to make me forget about what really happened. The truth. But how? How do I find the truth when no one knows what the truth is?
Chapter 4:
Today was a bad day. First, I was yelled at for not doing my morning workout to the best of my abilities. I touched my toes without bending my knees for the first time in several years. Now I am sore. I am hurting all over. Even in my heart. I miss my mother and I miss my sister. And I wish I knew where they are.
Work was okay. Comrade Tillotson is up to somemthing. I know it. He crouches over his work secretly, and he gives me hostile glances that only cause me suspicion. Whatever it is that he is hiding, he is going to be punished for it.
Chapter 5:
Syme is going to be punished one day too. He knows too much, he is too smart, and too wise. They will punish him, maybe even kill him. He will just dissapear one day, and never be heard from again. That's what happens -to everyone. In fact, it could quite easily happen to me. I am not supposed to be writing in this diary. I could be in huge trouble. I could dissapear too. Anyways, back to Syme. I would really mind if he dissapeared. I don't like Syme. I find him annoying, boastful, and concieted. I don't like him. And I don't think Big Brother likes him either.
Chapter 6:
I remember that very night. I don't know why I did it. I loved my wife. I loved Katherine. I didn't love that prostitute. I didn't know her. She was old and ugly. I didn't want her. But I still did it. I still slept with her, and the memory has showered me with guilt and pain ever since. Katherine and I loved eachother. I should have tried harder to keep us together. I should have tried harder to have children. I should have cared for her more. But I didn't. I lost her, and now she is only in my past -my soon to be forgotten past.
Chpater 7:
If there is hope it lies in the proles. I need to do something. Today. I need to figure out about my past. I don't remember it, so I need someone else's help. I need the prole's help. They can help me figure out if this time is truly better than years ago.
Chapter 8:
I am close to finishing probably the most eventful day of my life. I went to visit the proles today. I needed to find out about the past. Although, I didn't find exactly what I was looking for, I did discover something. But I will start from the begining. I entered the area, and almost immediately people began screaming. They were not screaming at me, but at the sky. They were yelling warnings out, and it wasn't until one man yelled my way to get down that I noticed a rocket bomb coming toward the ground. It stopped as quickly as it had started. The rocket bomb hit the ground, and the screaming stopped. It was so odd, because people walked on as if nothing had happened. The bomb was falling, it fell, and it was over. That was it. It was as if it was a normal thing. I headed toward a pub near the top of an alley. Inside, there was a man. I needed to talk to him. I need to talk to him about the past. I picked a bad place to talk to him, though. he was drunk, and was absolutely no help what so ever. He just babbled on and on and on. I did discover something, though, from the store keeper. The store keeper who sold me this very diary a while back. He told me about the past. He sang a song. It was confusing, but some what helpful. He sold me a glass coral statue. It is beautiful. I don't know what I will use it for yet, but I will use it for somehthing. It was when I was coming out of the store that it happened. The biggest and most important, and probably scariest event of the day occured. I saw her. The dark-haired girl. The dark-haired girl that I ddon't know. She was following me, I am sure of it. She is trying to discover more about me. I have no doubt that she will turn me in. I almost killed her -with my glass coral. I almost did, but I didn't. Too bad I didn't. I should have because now she will turn me in, I will be punished, and I will be killed.
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